A Poem

I was wondering in the dark

Feeling around and groping the air

I was not scared or feeling hopeless then

I was content to remain there

 

I knew my pattern of everyday life

There was comfort…and dare I say joy

I felt secure and in control

The Truth was not yet employed

 

But I knew when I heard those words

The peace, the good news ringing in my ears

I had been living in a dream

Rather living a nightmare for years

 

My mouth I opened, “Yes, I believe”

Such light shown all around me

I watched as shadows disappeared

For the first time my eyes would see

 

I had not been seeking a Savior

I was not seeking an eternal friend

But my Savior came and sought me out

He made my joy truly begin

 

Romans 10:20 “I have been found by those who did not seek me. I have shown myself to those who did not ask for me.”

 

 

Ahhhh…A New Year

I know there are some people, like my husband, that do not really enjoy the new year. For him it is a time of reflection on the past year’s accomplishments, and well, sometimes that can be disappointing. I think about this too, but I am more focused on the “starting over” on New Years day. I can see all the disappointments from last year and say with excitement, “well, today is a new day. Today is a new year! I can start over.” And that is exciting to me. I think it is natural for Americans to want to make resolutions. I know I enjoy making goals and trying to stick to them. It’s like a game, and I want to win! The year of 2011 is the year of more activity for me. That is my goal and resolution. I want to be more active. Now I know that is broad…more active in what, right?. Well, I do have attachments of what I would like to be more active in:

my health (exercising my heart…cardio baby!)

teaching my daughter about Jesus

in reading the Bible

in mentoring others

in prayer

in loving and honoring my husband

I probably could add a few other things, but these few are the heaviest on my heart to accomplish. I desire that this year, more than last, will be a year where God will work on me greatly. I want to be changed on the inside by Him so that my faith will produce beautiful works that will glorify Jesus. Apart from this great work on my heart I could fulfill all these goals in 2011 but still miss the mark of doing them with the ultimate goal…of making my life about Jesus.

Tis the Season for Thankfulness

So Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and it is always tradition to reflect on what I am thankful for. Of course there are the “traditional” answers…of course I am thankful for my amazing savior Jesus, family, church, friends, home, food, clothing, etc. Those are all givens. But it is the specific, sometimes labeled “little things”, that really stirs my heart toward thankfulness and joy. The specifics like: that I am thankful that Jesus has and is teaching me about viewing others more significant than myself and showing me where I am selfish…so basically I am thankful that God continually works on my heart. I’m thankful for the way my husband and I are laughing more together than we have ever laughed before…I mean good laughing…the kind that makes you cry. I’m thankful for my new friend Rachel that gives me an avenue to share life experiences and truth from the bible. I’m thankful for accountability from Hannah Joy, Stephanie, Maria, and Gayle to pursue a godly and purposeful life in Christ. I’m thankful for the beauty of the colorful leaves and the warm sunshine mixed with cool breezes when I walk with Rebekah in the mornings. I’m thankful for the “mommy skills” that Rebekah has picked up from me.

I could go on and on. What are the specifics you are thankful for? Please do share!

Good Challenges From My Friend Paul…

I’m reading through Philippians with a friend, and I am finding myself being challenged on how I live life…not a bad thing to be challenged…evidence that I have not arrived! Anyway, the first time was in reading chapter 2:3-5:

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…”

So the question I asked myself is, “Do I do this?” Do I count others more significant than myself? Do I look on the interests of others? And if I do, do I do these things in humility? If I considered my family alone I know that this area is pretty weak for me (let alone if I included close friends, acquaintances, and strangers). I found that I miss the mark quite often, but instead of getting discouraged of my imperfections I found myself in love with the first part of verse 5…”Have this mind among yourselves which is yours in Christ Jesus.” In Christ I have the mindset to humbly serve and think of others above myself. It is not something that I can obtain on my own but rather something that I have because I have Christ. Coupling this beautiful truth with chapter 1:6 I find myself rejoicing in my sanctifying God. “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

The second challenge I received was in chapter 1:27-30. I’m not going to type the whole thing, but Paul basically tells these Christians to make sure to are living worthy of the gospel of Christ. He proceeds to outline what that worthy life should include: standing firm in one spirit (v. 27), having one mind with other believers (v. 27), striving for the faith of the gospel (v. 27), not frightened by enemies (v.28), and believing in him and suffering for his sake (v. 29). Again I must confess that I miss the mark often, but I’m amazed at such purpose we Christians have in life. If I am ever “bored” I have forgotten my role and have stopped living a life worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Praise the Lord for his word that changes behavior and stirs our affections toward him!

Trip to SC

So I went to SC for a little Anderson College reunion. I ended going down a couple of days early and spent some good time with my parents. It was just Rebekah and I on the trip since Jonathan had to preach on Sunday, and I was kind of nervous making the drive by myself. I was pleasantly surprised with the way Rebekah traveled. She did so great! We made the trip in about 5 hours (both going down and coming back). Not too bad! We stopped at McDonalds on the way, so I think that helped. I had a great time with my mom and dad. It doesn’t seem to matter how old I get I still feel like a little girl sometimes when I’m with my parents. I got this feeling when my dad and I shared boiled peanuts and pimento cheese and crackers. It’s a great feeling! We all got to enjoy going out to eat and walking on trails, but I think the most enjoyable time for all of us was the grandparents playing with Rebekah. She had a blast playing with all the Christmas decor Grandma already had up (I know…way to early). She enjoyed riding on Grandpa’s shoulders and riding on the train. It was a joy to see my parents play with their granddaughter. It was also a joy to see Rebekah play with Jonathan’s parents. We got to visit for a few hours, and Rebekah was all about cuddling with Nana and Papa. She was so sweet and loved Nana’s childhood baby doll. The whole trip was a great success, but it was still hard to leave Jonathan behind. It is not easy to take a trip away from my husband…we do everything together. I don’t feel the same until I’m back home with him. I think if Rebekah could talk she would agree.  There was an endless amount of hugs and kisses when we got home.

Last Year in the 20s

So I celebrated my 29th birthday this past Tuesday. It was a great birthday. I was not disappointed with gifts, cards, phone calls, dinner, cake, and time with the family. I don’t even really mind that I’m getting older. In fact I kind of like it. I did have time to contemplate the last year…year 28. My husband Jonathan often does this kind of contemplating on his birthday…and well…I guess I’ve taken on this little trait. It can definitely be a sobering time of reflection when you ask the question, “okay, what have I accomplished since my last birthday?”

I thought about how my 28th year brought about learning in how to take care of my baby girl Rebekah. That alone has taught me much about sin in my life, but also about God’s grace and teaching. I thought about the new children’s ministry that I’ve had the privilege to help lead. That has taught me about delegation, working in a team, and working with excellence. I’ve thought about the move to a new home in Franklinton, NC. This taught me about contentment, God’s provision, and God’s challenge to be a witness to my lost neighbors. I have thought about the many blessings and difficult times peppered in my past months of life that have shaped me into who I am today…but I also thought of the moments that I had wasted…sometimes weeks where nothing was accomplished. This reflection was indeed sobering, but it was also exciting. It was exciting to know that this year brings brand new days, opportunities, and challenges. I am not the same person I was when I turned 29 years old. Neither do I intend to be the same next year when I turn 30.

“Only one life,

’Twill soon be past;

Only what’s done

for Christ will last.”

Quoted from Don’t Waste Your Life

“Hey Lauren, Your mustache is coming in nicely!”

So no, I do not have a mustache! Ha! Every now and then my husband Jonathan kids around with me about facial hair. I think this all stemmed from a conversation about ladies I knew who would wax their upper lip. Some wives would think this was mean of Jonathan, but I know it’s in jest. Don’t worry my self-esteem didn’t go down! I guess ladies are kind of obsessed with the way they look…and how they are perceived. I’ve thought about the topic of self-esteem off and on mainly because it is such a common topic (or at least thought) among girls. Now that I have a little girl of my own I really want to explore the great concept of self-esteem.

Self-esteem is defined as “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect”. This definition reminds me of my dad. He used to tell my brother and I to “have a little self-respect” whenever we needed to take care of ourselves better…like bathing or brushing our teeth. I know…gross! Hey, we were kids! I think what really bothers me about the concept of self-esteem is that it could lean so easily toward a sinful attitude. If taken to far (too much self-respect) you become prideful. If you place your worth in yourself and your abilities and you let yourself down you could become depressed or even without purpose. So what is the solution? What should I tell my little girl?

Well, I don’t claim to know the right answer, but here are my thoughts. I think that confidence should not be in yourself. It should not be in your abilities or how valuable you think you are to your family, team, church, or whatever group. The reason why is simple. All these things have a potential to fail you. They have a potential to let you down. For example, ladies have a bad rap for placing all their self-worth in how they look. Man! Let me tell you…that will let you down! Your face will fail you! Just look at all the “age-defying” products out there. So do we just give up on having worth? I think not. We should put our worth in something that will not fail or let us down. I think the only person who can do that is Jesus. He will not fail…he can’t…he’s perfect…he’s God! If a girl places her worth in Christ then her world can crumble around her and she will still have life and purpose and joy.  I think that is the beauty of finding your worth in Christ. You can excel and have a blast in the things of this world (sports, education, job, family, etc.), but when the day is done you know that those things are temporary and your lasting influence in the day, in the midst of those temporary things, is what you have done with the eternal God.